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Fallen Angel: Sans Cliches by ~jphnx22:iconjphnx22:



Looking onwards with a grace of grief
Littered is the past with broken dreams
Hopeless and unattainable as they are
Empty inside, I am heavy with burdens.

My name is soiled, my lover is lost, and my knees now falter
In quiet despair upon a foundation of childish mistakes
Whereas in one hand I hold audaciously, my final redemption:
A cold blade of sheathed steel, a tormentor’s temptation.  

Remember, our fate is always but our own to make…
Embodied as it were, as in the rippling light of dawn
So my demons, from forth this sword to my grave
I pray this hour shall my soul witness a new day

For wherein my torment I was lost- forsaken, I discovered:
Man was Law, man was Mercy, and man was Insane
But Steel has no mercy and thus I hold the power
To wash away the pain and thus release my sins

So now I say goodbye…
My tender flesh is yours,
My fears no longer mind,
My true self unsheathed… now shines.
©2007-2009 ~jphnx22
:iconjphnx22:

Author's Comments

My orignal work, "Fallen Angel" has recieved plenty of criticism for its use of cliches in regards to fallen angels, shattered wings, and the like of so called emo motifs. This is a remake without these cliches. The meaning is somewhat altered but then again o feel its also stronger.

Comments


love 3 3 joy 0 0 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconredcarrottop:
Very nice again. I like the part:
"For wherein my torment I was lost- forsaken, I discovered:
Man was Law, man was Mercy, and man was Insane"
:iconwonderhell:
This is incredible. It brought a tear to my naked eye and some emotion to my black, empty heart.

--
I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.
:iconwonderhell:
This is incredible. It brought a tear to my naked eye and some emotion to my black, empty heart.

--
I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.
:icontounderstand:
i love this version of it, so much better.beautiful.

--
She's searching for no one (but herself),Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy that she is here"
:iconchild-of-exiles:
I prefer this one to the original, though I miss the lovely pic at the top. :P This one is much more powerful. Great job, and kudos for having enough courage to revamp such a popular piece for the love of your craft. :)
:iconjphnx22:
it is a cool pic but alas it is not mine.

--
:sadangel:
:iconthe-girl-from-mars:
I Love The Original

--
98% of all teenagers are bad at math.If you're one of the 5% who are good at it, paste this into your signature.

No one expects the Spanish inquisition.

[link]
:icondaydreamishxxvampire:
I read the original and admittedly had to scoff a bit at it being one of the most popular literature works of all time on DA, but this redeems you a bit in my eyes. This work is so much stronger and conveys much more depth than the original. Which means you improved. Good work!

--
Daydreamishly yours.
:iconaffirmation:
It's still kinda cliched around the edges, but it's hard to write without them. I do like this though, especially:

For wherein my torment I was lost- forsaken, I discovered:
Man was Law, man was Mercy, and man was Insane
But Steel has no mercy and thus I hold the power
To wash away the pain and thus release my sins

It seems to come from a place of truth inside yourself with gives it more edge. Good job.

--
Oh show me the way to the next whiskey bar, oh don't ask why. Oh, don't ask why.

Details

November 26, 2007
1.2 KB

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